Tuesday 4 April 2017

The King of the Hipsters, Happiness by Trouser Rack and Social Awkwardness

The King of the Hipsters, Happiness by Trouser Rack and Social Awkwardness

The King of the Hipsters just might live here, you never know.

On my last visit into the city center, I had enough amusement to make at least one friend chuckle in the telling, so I thought I would relate my tale here as well.

I saw the King of the Hipsters buying Cadburys Cream Eggs in a Tesco Metro. That sentence continues to tickle me, it just seems so right. I walked into the Tesco after scarfing a tasty Burger King, which in light of my post yesterday about changing my fat git status, kind of takes on the status of the shouting of some choice expletives moments before a swear jar comes into force. Anyway, I was craving a drink so in I walk and see the King, rummaging in the cream eggs. I’m not calling him a hipster to take the piss, it was just what came to mind. He was taller than me, larger than me, and his trousers were far tighter than mine, which isn’t much of a feat as mine were average fit jeans. He bought his sustenance and left, leaving me with the glow of having witnessed something special.

Some time later, I was walking down the street when a gentleman walked past me with some kind of rack over his shoulder. He was talking into his mobile, beaming, and saying the word trouser or trousers at least ten times in five seconds. I remember thinking to myself that there was a happy customer, and maybe happiness by trouser rack is something I should investigate, as I don’t have a rack myself.

I popped into Smiths not long after the rack gentleman passed me and then proceeded to accidentally upset a lady that seemed to be mentally handicapped. I’m not sure if that term is accurate and I don’t mean it to be offensive, but she seemed to be struggling. My own part in things was as one half of an unwitting “I move here to get out of your way but you move there to get around me” dance. She seemed to get quite irate and not just with me but other people who got in her way. I hate getting into these “dances of politeness” at the best of times but this one really sucked and made me feel guilty far beyond what was actually warranted, if any was at all. I was really exhausted by this point which might account for some of it. 

Maybe there is an unwritten rule that two whimsical events must be followed by a shitty one or the world will spin away into space and freeze somewhere near Neptune. If so, I say we invoke article Nifty and rewrite that part of the universal order.

Spanks for reading.