Saturday, 2 June 2018

Dark Fiction - Apocalypse Talk Radio


Apocalypse Talk Radio

Written By Casey Douglass


Apocalypse Talk Radio


‘Thanks for tuning in! We’re getting reports of a massive nuclear detonation somewhere near Woking. There’s no official word yet, but as always, we want to hear from you if this has affected you in any way. Even if just hearing about it has affected you, get in touch! You can call or text, email or tweet us, but let us know what is happening in your part of the world. We could just wait for official clarification, but we’ll do what we always do when we don’t know and just repeat what we do know over and over. Oh we have a text.
Julie writes that she saw the flash from the supermarket car park as she was putting the shopping in her car boot. She adds that her eyesight is dimming, but she’ll be sure to keep us up to date as her health deteriorates. Thanks Julie, stay safe!
Clive has tweeted to say there was no flash where he was on the outskirts of Paris. Thanks Clive!
We have Michael on the phone. Michael, where are you?’
‘Hi. First time caller! Well I’m not too sure. I got thrown down the street by a massive blast of air, and I’ve managed to hide behind a wall. Everything’s really bright. My skin feels like it’s burning.’
‘What are other people doing around you?’
‘A lot of them are on their backs in the street.’
‘Are they dead?’
‘I reckon so.’
‘How many bodies can you see?’
‘I’d say about twenty.’
‘What will you do now?’
‘I’m going to stay behind this wall for a bit mate. Feeling tired.’
‘Stay safe!’
‘Will do!’
‘There we have it folks, the tales of regular people during what might just be the end of times. We’ll be sure to keep you up to speed with your fellow citizens’ predicaments, no matter how samey it all gets. We might be interrupted by a government announcement soon, but rest assured we’ll soon get back to our usual dull repetitive style, lulling you into a docile sense of acceptance well before the nuclear fallout reaches your location. And now a word from our sponsor...’

THE END

The inspiration for this piece came from the recent coverage of the recent issues with electronic card payments. One radio station insisted on interviewing person after person who had been affected, the only thing changing being the shop they had been to and the length of the line at the cash machines outside. It was mind numbing and so so boring. We understand! Card payments not working means we have to use these floppy bits of plastic currency, or those small round hard things that hurt your teeth if you chew them. Hearing the trauma of having a card payment declined over and over is just the very definition of a #firstworldproblem.


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