Trucking Along With Depression: Why I Find American Truck Simulator to be a Valuable Tool
Written by Casey Douglass
The concept of space is
an important one. Whether physical or mental, without space around
the things that we perceive, think or feel, we lose sight of the
complete picture. The glass that is always proverbially half-full or
half-empty is actually always full; the air sitting in the water-free
part is often overlooked. When someone is feeling depressed or
struggling with their mental health, a feeling of space or distance
can sometimes be helpful, as being too close to something is also not
a great way to see the big picture. What has all of this got to do
with playing American Truck Simulator? I’ll try to explain.
SCS Software’s
American Truck Simulator is a game that puts the player behind
the wheel of a truck, gives them a slice of America to travel
through, and a list of possible jobs to take on. I know next to
nothing about trucks, American or otherwise, and I have no desire to
become a truck driver. I don’t even particularly like to travel,
except in the realms of my imagination, or the occasional trip to the
shops (Not sure if I’ve ever been to any imaginary shops). So why
in the world do I find myself regularly driving a big rig in a game
that, on the surface, I probably shouldn’t enjoy. The simple answer
is space. The more complex answer is space, the correct mixture of
tension and relaxation, and the minutiae of driving.
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| Expanded horizons. |
Let’s start with
space. Whether moving around in the real world, or some digital
representation of it, the feeling of leaving home and going out into
areas that you don’t control is a different mental experience to
staying inside, surrounded by your own belongings. When we leave our
homely surroundings, our thoughts will, to some degree, focus on
where we are and what we are doing. I say to some degree because if
you have a mental illness, a good proportion of your thoughts will
still quite likely be ensnared in your awareness of self, or any of
those worries and fears that seem to follow you around wherever you
might go. American Truck Simulator gives a fairly good
impression of what it’s like when moving from one place to another,
seeing a new town or city loom on the horizon as the old one fades in
the rear-view mirror. This helps me feel a sense of space.
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| Driving into the Sun. |
Another way that the
game serves up a dose of space is in its day and night cycle. Anyone
that has spent too much time grappling with their own inner-states
usually tends to lose the awareness that thoughts, moods and feelings
come and go quite naturally, given enough space and time. Anger at
the knock of the postman waking you up soon diminishes when he puts
that parcel you’ve been waiting for in your hands. When you are
trapped in your more upsetting moods and feelings, it’s easy to
lose this sense of things ebbing and flowing (Practising mindfulness
is very useful here, and is also quite useful in general). As far as
ATS, driving along with the setting sun in your mirror, the
sky ahead darkening and the cars driving past you lighting their way
with headlights... it just gives a feeling of moving on, of things
progressing. There is also something quite lovely about driving
through the night and witnessing the sun begin to rise, the golden
hues of everything giving eyes that are used to darkness and
headlights something to feast on again. I personally find this
invaluable when I’m at my lowest, and ATS serves up this
feeling with a dependable regularity.
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| Traffic and red lights at twilight. |
The next aspect that I
want to talk about is the mixture of tension and relaxation. This
concept seems integral to so much in life, whether it’s the
contraction and relaxation of your heart beating comfortably in your
chest, or your concentration being held firmly by a task for a
duration of time before you let go and relax with a coffee-break.
This seems to be the pattern for a well-balanced life well lived.
Once again, if you suffer with anxiety, depression, or are undergoing
a particularly trying time, your period of tension might stretch on
and on, your body and mind hardening around the issues that brought
it on, eventually leaving you unable to unwind or relax to any great
degree. American Truck Simulator, by way of approximating the
act of driving, provides a framework in which you can start to feel
this tension/relaxation process, even if it’s only in the context
of a game. Once felt in this more minor way, it sometimes leads to
the loosening of other emotional or mental sticking points, as if the
mind just needed a way to remember what letting go feels like. As an
example, driving your truck through the desert on long, lonely roads
is fine... for awhile. Just as you start to feel a little bored with
it, you will likely come to a large city, somewhere where you need to
be more “on your game”. The comfortably sparse roads are soon
replaced with busy junctions, more road users and traffic lights.
There will be many periods where you will be held up by red lights,
queues and slow speed limits. Ah Las Vegas, what a pain in the arse
you can be, with your many lanes and streets with traffic light after
traffic light. Just as you begin to feel a bit annoyed, you are away,
free, out in the wider countryside again, and can let go a little bit
more. This is how the game provides tension and relaxation, and it is
pretty low level, which is about right if you aren’t feeling your
best. Other games provide tension and relaxation too of course, but
trying to evade the Xenomorph in Alien: Isolation provides a
far higher level of tension than accidentally bumping a pavement in
ATS.
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| Rainy Vegas. |
Finally, we get to the
minutiae of driving, which also straddles the tension and relaxation
section above. In American Truck Simulator, you have the rules
of the U.S roads to follow, along with other actions that make
driving... well, driving. In the course of your travels, you must
obey speed-limits, indicate when changing lanes, use your headlights
at night (and reduce high beams when other traffic approaches), and
other things like turning your wipers on when it starts to rain. You
also have the technicalities of managing your rest periods, fuel
levels and how you can squeeze a long trailer around certain
intersections without clipping anyone. To some people, this might
sound like a pain, but to someone looking for gentle diversion, I
find that there is just enough going on to keep my mind focussed on
what I’m doing in the game, rather than having too much free time
to ruminate or reflect too much on how I’m feeling. A counter to
this, for me at least, is Candy Crush Saga. I’ve recently
taken up playing it again on Facebook and it’s fine, as far as
games like that go, but even though it’s puzzle based, I find
myself with plenty of time to ruminate and feel like crap as I force
the sweets to mate with each other and disappear in puffs of colour.
No doubt it’s a very personal and subjective thing when it comes to
how an individual game affects someone, but as far as keeping me
gently attentive, ATS wins again.
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| A nice drive by the beach. |
We’ve reached the end
of my little ramble around the topic of why I think American Truck
Simulator is my perfect depression game. You don’t need to be
depressed to play it of course, but in the context of how I’ve been
feeling lately, I just wanted to think about and share why it seems
quite useful for me. I don’t mean to present it as a cure or
treatment, but as one enjoyable tool that fills a gap for me when
other games seem overwhelming, or my energy levels are low. A twenty
minute digital delivery job that takes in some simulated scenery and
maybe gives some experience of the day-night cycle is a pleasing
buffer between what ails me and the stresses of the things I am
trying to do in other areas of my life. If you like the sound of
American Truck Simulator, be sure to check it out here. It’s
only £14.99 too, so it shouldn’t break the bank.
If you are suffering
with any form of mental illness and have yet to seek help, please do,
there are plenty of places out there that can and will help, from
doctors to other organisations.
