Wednesday 8 June 2016

Dark Fiction - Splash Damage

Dark Fiction - Splash Damage

Written by Casey Douglass


The video-feed fizzes into life and shows a sea of expectant faces, some smiling, some nervous, all intent.
‘Hello to all! Thank you for joining me on this new video-conferencing system. It became clear that we could no longer trust our communications to stay secure using the more common ones like Skype et all. So thank you again for switching to this one.
I won’t waste your time with more waffling. You should all have your targets by now, the times the attacks are meant to take place and the tools to create a payload that will be truly devastating. If anyone is unsure of anything at all, please contact your group leader before the end of today and they will put you straight in time for tomorrow's offensive.
Thank you all for committing to this movement and for being prepared to make the sacrifices needed to achieve our aims. I am forever in your debt.
Who are we?’
‘The Toileteers!’ a host of faces shouts, some with fists raised.
‘What is our aim?’
‘To soil any public or semi-public toilet within thirty minutes of opening, with a gaseous turd that will linger until at least lunchtime!’
‘What is our motto?’
‘I shit, therefore I am!’
‘Bless you all and good luck!’


The inspiration for this brief tale is the uncanny way that, when any toilet opens for the day, be it in a supermarket, a shop, or one of the rare places that is just a toilet (and no I don’t mean a multi-story stairwell), some turd-worthy ninja has already been in there and created a stink that threatens to dissolve the adhesive holding the wall tiles in place. I can only imagine this is an orchestrated movement (baddum-tish!) as it is amazing how often I have come across this phenomena.