Not so Hollow-een
By Casey Douglass
‘So what can I do for
you? It isn’t often you show your face up here.’
‘And we both know why
that is don’t we?’
‘Too true.’
A large hand about
twenty feet across emerged from the nebulous cloud of white light,
the cuff of a sky blue sleeve swaying back and forth as the hand
moved. Slowly, the light dimmed and the contours of the room began to
make a faint impression.
‘Oh come on! I don’t
even warrant a full manifestation? That’s very rude.’
A deep sigh rumbled
from the ether as the partner hand to the first emerged. They both
rose up and clapped together, a thundering explosion of noise sending
the room spiralling into shards of light.
‘Fine.’
‘What?’
‘Take your hands away
from your ears!’
‘What?’
‘Your hands!’
Lucifer shakily lowered
his hands, his ears hissed like a thousand serpents.
‘First you almost
blind me and then you deafen me!’
‘So what is it you
wanted?’
‘I mean come on! Play
the game!’
‘My time is
precious.’
‘Oh yes, there must
be others you have to torment before lunch!’
‘Are you finished?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. Now...’
God leaned forward on a
large crystal desk, the borders lined with gold and silver filigree.
Lucifer smiled and wondered why God always wore his old beggar robe
and visage, who was he fooling?
‘Hang on a second, my
hearing is still a bit wacky.’
He moved his head from
side to side, a pleasing crack popping from his neck vertebrae. He
squinted, the room was still insufferably bright, the walls, ceiling
and floor glaring, white and swirling with the visual manifestation
of harps, laughter and love.
‘You really are a
card! I bet you don’t pull all of this sickly shit for the others.’
‘Noo just you. I know
how you like it. You are one to talk anyway!’
‘Maybe I just knew
what you were like. You mean you don’t like how I look?’
‘You know I cannot
stand Justin Bieber!’
The smirk that appeared
on the face of a teenager stayed still. The face around it changed in
a heartbeat. A middle aged man sat there now, his dark hair, small
goatee and immaculate black suit all cementing him into the scene. He
seemed more real now, more dangerous.
‘How is this? And are
you going to change too?’
‘No. You are vexing
me, get to it.’
‘Not even the beard?
I can’t even see your mouth!’
‘I know you heard
me.’
The air in the room
fuzzed with potential, the particles crackling like a flame surging
into rotten wood. Lucifer cleared his throat.
‘Yes well...ahem...as
you know, it is Halloween today.’
‘Yes...’ It was
said in that long and drawn out way, that if it had a visual
equivalent, would be like an old squeaky door being opened very
slowly, the darkness beyond it inviting and repelling at the same
time.
‘Well...I was
thinking...how about a proper one this year?’
‘Proper?’
‘You know...real?’
‘Isn’t it every
year?’
‘Are you joking?’
Lucifer turns to you and winks, ‘He’s joking right?’
‘No I am not! Get to
it and don’t involve “them” okay?’
Lucifer grimaces and
turns away from you, his eyes locked on the big cheese once more.
‘Apologies. I was
just being friendly.’
‘This is getting
truly tiresome. You have sixty seconds.’
‘Okay okay...well I
was thinking, how about you allow me to “open the gates” for
awhile, just for the night. It will do them the world of good, a
night out, and allow us to get on with some of those maintenance
things that we just can’t do when it is so crowded...the infernal
sewers for a start...oh the smell, it’s a bit like when something
crawls-’
‘Enough.’
‘-into a small hole
to die and then something else-’
A hand thumped the
desk, a small vase of flowers manifesting just long enough to be
launched into the air, twirl gracefully and then plummet to the
floor, shattering into a thousand pieces before it vanished once
more.
‘That’s a bit
melodramatic isn’t it?’ Lucifer sniffed.
‘Why on earth would I
agree to that stupid idea?’
‘Why on earth indeed.
People are complacent. They roam the planet taking pleasure in their
technology, their cars, gadgets and healthcare. Where is the fear
that drove them to your doors every day? The plagues, the monsters?’
‘I am doing okay...’
‘Oh yes, and you’re
very welcome for that! I am doing my job to bring out the evil in the
hearts of some of them, and very nasty some of them are too! Which
reminds me we should renegotiate my wage sometime but that’s
neither here nor there. Where was I?
‘Opening the gates of
hell?’
‘A wonderful idea!
Thank you I will see to it at once...’
‘Ahem.’
‘You can’t blame a
chap for trying! Erm, oh yes. Imagine what a single night of terror
would do for them. Your churches would be packed, especially if some
malcontent let slip that it was the only place to be safe? In one
night you would see such an up-swelling of belief, you could expand
heaven and still have good will to spare!’
‘That all sounds very
nice...but I couldn’t do it to them. I still wonder why I keep you
around at all!’
The room flashed black
with a subsonic rumble before slowly fading back to white once more.
Lucifer leaned forward, the tips of fangs jutting over his lips
slightly.
‘Forgive me, but
don’t be no naïve! You know what happens when you give them what
they want! They turn into morons! Need I remind you of your last
attempt?’
‘No...’ The grey
head shook sadly.
‘You made them that
planet, gave them all the things they could ever want and what did
they do? They ran around like simpletons, taking epochs to even form
basic tools and language. Whereas these ones, my word! Look what they
have accomplished with a little hardship and strife. You admitted to
me a long time ago that you had never imagined that they would grow
in strength and fortitude in such a way. You were even pleased!’
‘Yes I was...am. But
I do not want them harmed, no matter how much it might be in their
best interests.’
‘Well why didn’t
you say so? I will enforce a strict “no harming” policy, problem
solved. We will just scare the bejesus out of them...sorry.’
‘Forgiven. If
anything, we need to scare the bejesus into them. What if people
realize that noone is being hurt? They are very bright sometimes!’
‘No problem at all! I
will get some of the denizens to adopt human form, they can be the
ones that the others tear apart. Some of them quite enjoy that kind
of thing. Now we are on the same page! So what do you think?’
The room fell silent,
even the sickly ambience fizzling to nothing. Somewhere a sensitive
soul tossed and turned, struggling with a nightmare of demons and
monsters walking the streets, brow beaded with sweat, body trembling.
Creation waited with baited breath, time trying to tiptoe past in an
apologetic way that wouldn’t attact attention. A throat was
cleared.
‘Do it.’
THE END
*************************
Happy Halloween to everyone. Even you, Justin Bieber.
