I’d hoped for some
kind of release after having finally written the title of a post that
has been looming for about six months now. If there was a release, it
was a tiny one. I just feel sad now.
The health issues I
live with have made the last few years incredibly hard. To function
on any kind of level as a freelance writer on top of these issues has
bordered on self-abuse at times. But I’ve stuck with it and pushed
myself far beyond my comfort zone on many occasions. I am trying to
tell myself that, whatever happens next year, I can be proud of my
efforts, but me being me, I am an expert in mental self-flaggelation:
“Did you really try hard enough?” “Did you really give it your
all?”. You get the picture.
One thing that I can’t
choose to look at in a positive way is my lack of earnings. I’ve
made losses year on year, and that doesn’t look set to change in
the near future. I can’t let that carry on for too much longer, my
meagre savings have already taken one hell of a battering. It’s
with this in mind that I am putting a limit on how long this can
carry on for, and a sensible deadline seems to be the end of the next
business year (so that’s the end of March 2018).
Fear Factory's song Expiration Date seems quite apt for my mood now. If you like a bit of metal, and even if you don't, check out the video below:
