Friday, 16 May 2014

Dark Fiction - Fur

Fur

By Casey Douglass

as part of #fridayflash.


One image bleeds into the next, a hazy scene forming once the seeping impressions become more solid. An outdoor car-park, pretty full but with the odd space here and there. Groups of people chatter and laugh, the event or happening that drew them here either finished or about to start. There is a suggestion of folding tables and bric-a-brac so it might just be a car-boot sale.

A babbling man with a bushy beard is gesturing to a small gathering behind a red hatchback, his right hand continually shooting up to his nose to scratch at the hair just beneath. I recognise him as Slavoj Žižek, the Slovene philosopher from The Pervert's Guide to Ideology, a film that I had watched weeks ago. I like philosophy. I also would be intrigued by any guide written with perverts in mind, wondering how that might make it any different to a regular guide. What I got was an interesting look at some of the things that we treat as factual and don’t question. Where perverts come into it I still do not know.

The people are enraptured with the furry man’s talk but his words fail to reach me with enough volume to decipher. I pass by and continue to look around me, hemmed in on all sides by hot metal and baking concrete.

I don’t know how or why the shift occurs but things begin to change. Maybe a fleeting anxiety crosses my mind or it just happened without my intervention. What was a sunny day begins to dim into a very dark twilight, the cars around me falling into a deep shadow and only staying visible where some unknown light source glints from their contours.

A deep rumbling howl erects the hairs along my arms and neck. I hear a woman scream and sense the people around me scrabbling for somewhere to hide. I am grinning, a strange hot sensation in my chest, like the fire in the core of a furnace.

A loping thing rounds the side of the car ahead of me. I walk towards it, my right arm partly across my chest, the fist clenched. I know it is going to happen. Everything about it angles the events into one narrow funnel which can only lead to one outcome. The black shaggy dog launches at me with an almost sub-audible roar, its teeth latching onto my right forearm as I bring it meet it. I feel no pain, no real sensation besides the pressure around my forearm. I am surrounded by darkness now, the only feeling my pounding heart and the strain from smiling so forcefully. Then I wake up.


--THE END--


This is the tail end of a dream I had a few days ago. I have the feeling it was a dream which was getting a few things straight in my mind. My anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has continued to be problematic for weeks. The therapies and methods I have been using to try to improve my emotional response all rely on a certain level of acceptance, which at times I have struggled to get to.
This dream seems like a more visceral way of my mind getting the message. If I had to guess, I would say that the cars could be my obsessions, the philosopher the ways I try to get a handle on things/techniques I use and the black dog the anxiety that launches itself at me. In the dream, even not knowing it was a dream, I marched straight towards the dog knowing what would happen, accepting it. It’s quite funny that I can do something like that, yet the prospect of possibly having left a tap running reduces me to palpitations. Either way, a cool dream and one as I said, that feels like it had a use.

16 comments:

  1. I hope this dream acceptance is now starting to mirror and be reflected into your real world dude.

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    1. I had a good couple of days afterwards Paul, kept bringing it to mind but then had another rough day which seemed to undo all that acceptance. Oh well.

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  2. Dreams are pretty cool when we can remember them. I keep a notepad by the bed because they seem to dissipate with time and movement: the finer details which can seem sooo very important within the experience, are the most fleeting—fading like a fast-forward sunset.
    This one is interesting; the dog latching on for dear life, only to lose you to wakefulness. It's as though your sleeping self would like to remain for a few more blinks...

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    1. I used to spend a lot of time writing down dreams but found that, certainly the mid-night ones at least, the effort made me too wakeful for sleep again. Lucid dreams are the most fun, just like your own Matrix to play around with :).

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  3. I like the shifting feel and semi-autonomous pull, and going ahead with full knowledge something bad awaits, waking an escape, even if temporary. It's a fascinating dream.

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    1. Thanks David. The fact it stayed with me for days afterwards made it unusual for me. I have some dreams like that, had them years ago but still remember them to this day. Others are gone in seconds lol.

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  4. Nicely painted scene. Great imagery.

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  5. Nice work transposing this from your sleeping imagination to the page, it has a kind of unfinished feel to it, but dreams do tend to operate by their own rules, don't they? :)

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    1. They certainly do Steve. I like the ones where you see yourself doing things but you are still controlling yourself too. Strange.

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  6. Dreams are such a rich tapestry, aren't they? Despite the somewhat frightening aspect, I see you facing the threat prepared and with some confidence as a metaphor - that you recognize your anxieties and fears, and are gathering the self-assurance to begin fighting them off. Hopefully some of that self-assurance will start to surface during your conscious day and your anxiety will lessen. My best friend suffers from acute anxiety and depression, and I know it's a tough battle every single day.

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    1. Thanks Li. Yes that's why the dream stood out for me: it seemed so infused with anxious imagery that I was quite impressed by it lol.

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  7. I would very much like to read a book titled "The Pervert's Guide To Ideology". I think dreams have a really important tidying function, ramming together all the bits of our psyche that surface at that point and try and ram them together into a logic whereby they can be neatly filed away in the filing cabinets of our minds. Of course these pieces cannot be forced together and remain asymmetrical, but it accounts for some of the surreal conjoining of images and associations

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    1. As I said there is a film so maybe watch that :). It's quite hard going though, well it was for me, and I am usually okay at following philosophical concepts.

      I agree with how dreams often merge the strangest of things to find that they make no sense. Makes for some fun night excursions though.

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